Back to school for the kids, and a full life change for mom
During the summer months I heard parents discussing how early the children were heading back to school. Before Labour Day after Labour day, they debated whether it was good or bad and the whole time I couldn’t of cared less what the actual day was they started.
My mind was set on , the last summer I am needed as a “stay at home” mom.
Grade one is a full time position and my youngest daughter will be attending grade one in a week from now. [As I write this my body feels numb at the thought of school actually starting.]
When the summer started and school ended last year I felt excited about the thought of all the children in full time school, but now as the time inches closer and closer I’m terrified. For 10 years I’ve been attending the needs of my children and yes my own needs as well, we’ve adapted together as a family to survive and now I feel a bit overwhelmed it will end. Not that the children don’t need a mother anymore, they always will. The end to me is 24/7 caregiving, that will change to 24/7 constant worrying.
My changes are trying to find full-time employment, something that can full-fill me emotionally but above all something that will fill our wallets so we can pay the bills and so far it has not happened. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy waitressing. There are plenty of emotional highs and lows which help me get through the day and the pay with tips aren’t too bad but there are only limited hours that come with the tips. Ontario Labour Laws only allow us to start at $8.25 an hour and most restaurants do not give raises. Tips are the reason the politicians give us less an hour than the rest of the population. The problem with tips are they only come at a specific time in the restaurant. 80% of a servers time is spent cleaning, polishing, shinning and organizing the restaurant until a meal time arrives and then a server turns into “the flash” and keeps going and going until the last table is served. Some dinner rushes we can make almost $100 and others we can go home with $15 in our pocket. A lot of people tip their servers based on the service but in the same breath a lot of people just don’t have the money to appropriately tip them. For me whether it is a big tip or not the tables are equally served. The job is enjoyable for me but the financial stability does not cover the needs of our household finances, nor does the shift work.
What other choice do I have?
For 10 years my resume states raising my own children as well as other related experiences like, cleaning, cooking (though my husband cooks all dinners), laundry, serving, nursing, dog grooming, hair stylist, renovator, lawn maintenance and much much more. Though none of these experiences will mean diddly squat on a resume to apply for a full time job. How do you truly explain running a house hold as enough experience to run a small business or managing an office without an employer laughing at you for attempting it.
In my previous resume I focused on my ‘at home’ experience and applied for a reception job. The resume showed computer skills and organizing attributes through other employment but mainly it was focused on how well I did ‘at home’. There has been no interview calls or interests in my resume, that is based on my “at home” experience.
Obviously I’m a bad speller but not an unimaginative person when it comes to attracting attention as you can tell through the history of my blog. Thus I have revamped my resume and focused on my political attributions of running the NFCA now IFCA.
The changes of my resume consists of focusing on my organizing skills through the IFCA and my political agenda.
My work history was down played and my skills were upgraded to over shadow any work history, my ‘at home’ agenda was deleted and in place and enthusiastic show of a professional attitude.
Organizing Multiple Conferences
Public/Government/Media Relations (Press Releases)
Fundraisers
Microsoft office
Internet & Email, Mass Mail, & Telephone Marketing
Public Networking
Sensitive & Discretionary Documents
Public Speaking
Food Beverage Customer Service
Elderly & Children Care
This resume will be sent forth to any administrative positions that arrive in the near future in hopes of finding our family more time stability and a bigger pay check. Will I personally be gratified with a position like this, absolutely not. Waitressing was one position I enjoyed and gave me the emotional satisfaction I needed on a daily basis, but it won’t pay the bills and it won’t allow me to spend quality time with my children.
Is there a Career in my future, not a professional one.
Growing up in the 80’s and 90’s there wasn’t any money for schooling due to the fact our family wanted to eat. The high tech business boomed just as I was having children which in fact gave my husband a career and I am very grateful for that but it did not allow me to grow with the industry due to being busy giving birth.
As the years went by I tried having a career in the financial industry. Trading stocks and bonds really did intrigue me but studying for a CSC course as your baby is trying to be potty trained was just too much for me. I put down my stocks and bonds and dove into a potty training teacher position. Though my career was in the toilet I was at home “hip hip hooraying” for whatever my daughter put in the potty, talk about the ‘irony’. As my daughter grew so did our family, a few more children appeared and many more ‘cheers’ came from the potty training teacher. Without noticing my career became my family life (without the pay of course), I was enjoying every moment of it. There were great times and scary as hell times. My second daughter was in the hospital with breathing problems quite a bit as a child, she caught a bronchial flu while still a toddler and has had puffers as a result from it. Constant ear infections as a baby also kept her up all night screaming in terror of the pain. As she grows the puffers slowed down and the ear infections have stopped but the memory of ambulances and her on breathing machines will haunt us for the rest of our lives.
To articulate the good parts would take up years of writing on this blog but I can say simply that smile and hug just before the children fall asleep is worth more than all the gold in China!
This whole experience of growing with my children is overwhelming to say the least. Words cannot explain how I feel about the change of direction in my life and not being needed as a full time caregiver. I’m scared and slightly excited with what the future holds for my family but I am still resentful as to how the governments around the world treat parents who have and will experience the wonders of caring for your own children.
Would my life be better if I had chosen the career over full time caregiving, I don’t know. What I do know is the government would have treated us better financially and put forward more peer support to me as a woman to pursue an economical future.
‘Stay home’ cost me dearly through my economic worth in society, but if I could go back and change anything I would not.
It is the government who needs to change not me.
This blog was not written in pity or out of desperation for attention but through a learning experience from a very ‘big mouth stay at home mom’ who is about to retire and start a new chapter in her life.
I beg you, please let the parents decide on what to choose when it comes to childcare. Whether it be at home, a daycare or neighbor allow that choice to be only the parents choice and not be financially bribed by the governments ‘nanny state’.
